This year has been an odd one. Creatively I've made some of my best work, but at the same time, I've accidentally gotten myself caught in a spiral of worry about sharing the work publicly.
Cat drawn from photo from @Ctusdw
In hindsight, 2018-2019 feels like a (rose tinted glasses) golden era of social media; looking back, me and Insta were firmly on the same side. I drew in my sketchbook on location, tagged Helen Stephens's excellent #walktosee hashtag, and shared the work as freely as possible. I drew; I photographed and posted it on Instagram - repeat.
The end of 2022 felt chaotic, online and offline. Social media felt too loud; reels, algorithms and creative challenges all felt too much, so I stepped back. I decided to draw every day in January but keep it private. Drawing for myself felt fun! Freeing! Exciting! I enjoyed the secrecy of my sketchbook; my work improved, and I could see the correlation between creating for myself and enjoying new ideas, brilliant! Then January rolled into February, which became March, and I started to want to share the work, and suddenly the freeing feeling was replaced by one that didn't feel so nice.
I overthought everything. My work had changed and developed, and I loved it, but it felt new; if I shared it online, would it still keep growing? If I didn't share it, would it go anywhere?
Cat drawn from photo from @nikkimiles
I worried about the work being copied or compared to others. I procrastinated and tried to figure out what order to share it in. Do I make it into prints first? Do they need to be prints? What if nobody likes it? Does that matter? Who am I making this for? How does my work get commissioned if I don't share it? Where do I share the work if not online? Maybe I won't share the work - repeat.
Yikes.
I am grateful for booking three months of mentoring with my creative consultant Studio 1850, whose praises I sing to everyone who will listen. Elaine has helped me get right into the middle of the ball of uncertainty about sharing this new work and patiently sat and listened whilst I said I don't want to talk about it and then spoke about it for a whole hour. I still haven't figured it out.
I want to stress that this experience is my own journey; I'm not looking for an answer or a solution, I'm working it out. If you're reading this, I have taken that first step and put my new work out there. So I am getting there, being kind to myself, and drawing as much as possible.
Cat drawn from photo from @escapedbison
Anyway, here's to more sharing work, big thoughts and retreating back under the saftey blanket when needed. I now have 12 sketchbooks full of beautiful drawings I'd like to share, so get ready for some serious Instagram posting over the next few weeks and maybe even a big website update.
And whilst you're here ...
I'm terrible at promoting myself; honestly, if you asked me to sell someone else's work, I could do it with no problem, but my own, no thank you!
If you want to see more of my work or thoughts and processes behind my practice, you can see that via my Patreon. My Patreon (which I've affectionately named Paynes Grey Club) has developed into such a lovely supportive space for growing your creativity whether you're someone picking up a pencil for the first time or have been a creative for the last 10+ years. We draw together during the month and share tips, advice, and materials, and (possibly most importantly) I share a lot of my new work and the thoughts behind it. If you want to see more of what is currently available to watch on Patreon, you can check out my swanky new Contents Page, which I launched in January.
If you'd like to learn from me in person, I am running one workshop this year, a week-long drawing retreat in the South of France and you can read more about that here or watch this video here.
If you'd like to see all my sketchbooks from location over the past few years, you can buy them directly from my online shop here.
If perhaps you're not ready for any of that, but you'd like to be kept up to date with future news, then you can sign up for my mailing list - which only goes out when something new is launching, or if you'd like more creativity into your inbox then hit subscribe on this Substack that you're reading right now :)
Oh wow, I feel this. Instagram used to be such a joyful place to share work, and now it just feels so icky. I've been enjoying sharing here recently, both in longer posts and recently in Notes too - it feels like how social media used to be. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your sketchbook tours on Patreon even if nowhere else 😍 - and if you figure out the sharing conundrum please do let us know!
We can all benefit from taking time away from social to process and develop (see what I did there?). 😄 if you do decide to open up shop, I’d absolutely love an Emma Carlisle cat print on my wall! Thanks for sharing! Looking forward to the Patreon pigeon session tomorrow!